


eggplant = dick

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crack, Gen, I Don't Even Know, M/M, i need this gone outta my system, i'm not even sorry tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-08-09 15:51:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7807957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"YOU EVER THINK ABOUT HOW BANANAS LOOK LIKE <i>D I C K S?</i>"</p>
            </blockquote>





	eggplant = dick

**Author's Note:**

> kick me out of this fandom.

Keith was brooding, which wasn't at all surprising, but he was brooding because he had feelings. Gay feelings, in fact, for a certain blue paladin. It's not like he's never had gay feelings before; his first boyfriend since realising he was gay, his first hook-up had been a guy and he did have a small crush on Shiro at the Garrison - so Keith is gay, not a big deal. It's not like he hides it or anything, he just doesn't really see it as anyone's business. _But_ , did his Gay Feelings™ have to be for Walking Shitpost™ of all people? Keith sighed, staring at his helmet before his door was burst open by the devil himself - well, Lance, but same difference.

"Keith!" he exclaimed. Keith blinked at him when Lance stormed up to grab Keith by the shoulders and drag him closer to him. Keith's heart went bang bang against his chest and he died for a second. "DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT HOW BANANAS LOOK LIKE _D I C K S?_ "

He didn't, but he did now.

"Uh, no," he answered, truthfully. Although, he did wonder why he came in his trousers that one time when he saw Lance eating a banana. Maybe that was why. Also, the trousers part isn't important. Let's not talk about that. Shut the fuck up. Stop thinking about it. Oh my god, it was once! One time! Okay? Now, where were we? - Oh, yeah. Lance had talked about bananas looking like dicks.

"YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE LOOKS LIKE A DICK?" he asked. Keith shrugged. " _Cucumbers._ Why the fuck does everything look like a dick, Keith? Bananas, cucumbers, pickles-"

"Eggplants," Keith supplied helpfully."

"Keith, will you stick your eggplant in my ass?" Lance asked, out of the blue ( lmao, blue. How fitting ). Keith sputtered, coughed and went bright red ( also fitting ) before he tried to calm down his baloney pony that was ripping a hole in his trousers as it grew into an erection because that made him aroused for some reason. You're into some weird shit, Keith. Who gets aroused by their dick being called an eggplant?

Anyway, Keith then sat up straight ( HAHAHAHAHAHA ) and looked Lance dead in the eye because his erection was throbbing and he'd been having the Feels™ for Lance and then Keith stuck his "eggplant" in Lance's ass and they had a jolly good time before Shiro walked in on them and screamed and then cried into Allura's shoulder. Allura vowed to kill both Keith and Lance because Shiro would be forever haunted and GODDAMMIT THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO BE DOING THAN HAVING PRIMAL BALL-SLAPPING SEX, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS.

The end.

**Author's Note:**

> okay, i'm a little sorry.


End file.
